Vulnerable

Yesterday was my birthday...for some reason my birthday always makes me nervous/sad/happy at the same time. Nervous because I never know what to expect, I find it a bit embarrassing being the center of attention. Sad because I have to think of all my friends back home, with whom I'd love to celebrate my birthday with. Happy, because well, it's my birthday. Cake, presents, and love all around.

Mhm I got a Coldplay CD for my birthday (Parachutes). I absolutely love it. I'm listening to it for the fourth or fifth time now. I listened to it twice while walking with the dog today.

For some reason my walk was, I don't know, strangely nice. I felt so calm, like I didn't have a care in the world. Which of course I do, but at that moment, it felt like nothing could go wrong, would go wrong. Now I'm just tired...probably because I walked around 80 minutes, but that's good. I took a nice bath, read, painted my toenails, and get to watch GNTM now. That show always makes me feel a bit inadequate in looks, though I know that I'm rather quite pretty (even if I normally don't like admit it, even to myself). And I have a stronger character than most of those girls anyway. And I'm finally rebuilding my self-confidence. After we moved I felt so insecure that I didn't even recognize myself. I've never been shy, I've always had a bit of a tough exterior shell when it comes to things that make me uncomfortable, but those first few months I was so vulnerable. I hate feeling vulnerable.